Stage Four

Tea pairing: Black tea

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There are few things in this world that are as bleak as the struggle of cancer. For Jeremy Bolm of L.A. hardcore band Touché Amoré, the pain and hardship that comes with any severe diagnoses came to a head on Halloween 2014.

His mother, Sandra, lost her fight to stage four breast cancer the night that his band played their final show for that year. In an article written by Bolm himself for talkhouse.com, he recounted the last time he spoke with her before she passed.

“My goodbye with her was something brief like ‘OK, I’ll see you in a couple days’. She had been on a lot of morphine during my visit, so she was fading in and out and said, ‘You’d better go.’ That was the last thing she said to me.”

Stage Four, the band’s fourth album is a hard hitting piece of melodic hardcore filled with lyrical gut punches and sonic muicianship as Bolm shouts his way through the pain and grief of losing his mother.

The album opens with “Flowers and You” and sets the tone for the album with the lines “So prideful I choose/To live in disguise/With a levee set/For my heavy eyes.” The track proceeds to detail the pain Bolm felt as he watched his mother wither away from not eating and how he longed for a way to turn back time.

To try and find the meaning in the lyrics of this truly great album almost seems disrespectful to Bolm’s struggles and all who have dealt with cancer.

There is no uniform feeling for what cancer does, there is no handbook for dealing with the grief process, and there is no easy way to express one’s feelings. Stage Four takes a strong stance of sympathy, and is filled with lyrics that only help to assuage feelings of pain and regret.

Part of what makes the disease so devastating is the sheer lack of understanding, and that is made abundantly clear on “New Halloween” where Bolm reflects on the year since his mother passed. “Somehow it’s already been a year/Embracing all diversions to make this feeling disappear” he sings as he grapples to live without having his mother around.

As illustrated above, Bolm lost his mother in 2014, and in between then and Stage Four’s release in 2016, he spent a great deal of time recovering and channeling his struggles in the album.

Each track, from start to finish, feels like a trip through the seemingly endless stages of grief, especially album highlights “Displacement”, “Benediction”, “Water Damage”, and the somber closer, “Skyscraper” that features Bolm’s mother on a message she left for him on his phone.

To all of those struggling with a loved one who is fighting cancer, fought cancer and won, and those who sadly lost their fights, you are not alone. Stage Four is a deeply moving and sympathetic album that chronicles one of the hardest things to face in life and a place to feel connected even when life may be at its lowest point.